i've been desperately seeking the day i won't want to look for something better. i'm here, i've arrived. it's him, when he smiles and his eyes light up i see my future and my world come together. today we fought for so long. i really can't stand seeing him day in and day out without a smile on his face. it kills me. i want to break down and lose it. for once just let something work for me PLEASE.
i've decided i'm going to pretend like he's not leaving, that way i won't bring it up to him or in public which i was recently informed bothers him. i suppose my intentions were to hurt him so i technically can't blame him for my success. i figure if i bother him about it enough he won't go; it's so far out of the question it's not even funny. he's enlisted, it's final.
this weekend we are going camping with my family, i am hoping this is a chance for us to spend time without any connection to the world, i want him to see i can do it, he doesn't believe me that i've done it, that this isn't my first time camping.
skye was too sad to leave the house to see me today; this is lame as shit, i am giving up on all of my friends. i was supposed to meet megan tomorrow to hang out, but she didn't want to meet me half way between wells and salem, which is portsmouth. thats not happening. carson, i don't even know about her.
when we aren't fighting day in-day out things with me and demetrios are amazing. i love him.