she's lost it

shut in the dark, in phono mode; i'm feeling lonely and letting my mind get the best of me.
i dropped my phone in my iced tea on the ride home tonight. i guess thats what i get for having a good night. my seemingly long lost best friend and i went to the decks in downtown portsmouth. we ran into one of her co-workers and his boyfriend had some drinks and lunch then went our separate ways. we spent some much needed girl time talking about our boys and things i need to work on.

life goals seem so distant and unreachable. distant in the sense that years are continuing to pile up between me and them. my three year plan turning into my five to six year plan. the farther into my future this falls the less motivated i become. losing all sense of pride that came with the succession of the past year. school starting will bring hope and motivation i am sure of it, right?

flip to side d; this will be nice right? a break from my technilogical obsession. i get nervous though- i have this fear of going to long with out you; even just talking like you will go off with someone else. i don't need you to tell me how stupid this is because i know. or maybe something will happen, you will consume something that may take you to better places, or places of no return. communication between us seems to lack in both departments. the emotional and the verbal. i blame myself but i need your help; well your input. i'm not whining.

"don't tell your mother that you are afraid
don't tell your lover that your heart might break
don't tell your gods you no longer believe
because as soon as you say it out loud they will leave you
and you will miss them oh so bad
and you will wait for their return
and you will wish they were your own
but gods that have left you will never grace your home"