do i really look for arguments? maybe i'm still "testing the waters".
i really think this stems from the unconscious curiosity and urge to know everything. this causes uncertainty of what could be fabricated and easily recited to me. it worries me this lack of trust and understanding i've always had. i try to put my trust and sit blindly knowing that in any case, any situation, i could be at ease knowing you will do the right thing. however, i cannot be at ease, because i don't know, i have doubts upon doubts. its as though this ring on my left hand means nothing.

i guess i just long, as most "girls", for that story tale love, the flowers, the kind words, the dates, the dances, a true romance. honestly it's hard to believe that chivalry is dead. it is dying, becoming extinct. it's the thoughtfulness i yearn for. i want to be onset of each thought, ha.