she's lost it
my finger's beeping
5.07.2010
Friday, May 07, 2010
i've spent the last few weeks re-acquainting myself with old friends and long lost lovers. laying in bed for countless hours, days, weeks. my eating has dwindled to practically nothing! if i kept a food journal it would be empty besides a few pieces of tortilla and hummus, orange juice, and booze.

I just have to say, you look so goddamn good
I give you crazy mad props, because I know I should
OK, I'm a bit intoxicated, but really really really really I just graduated
And from where my hands are situated
Obviously, I'm growing more and more infatuated
Just wait, please wait

4.21.2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I miss your scent.






4.19.2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
"Immaturity and the inability to meet financial needs are two main reasons why divorce rates dramatically increase within the college-aged demographic. The responsibilities of marriage are just too much for a 19-year-old to handle."


i couldn't have said it better.

armoirs at daybreak
4.06.2010
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
"life becomes pretty meaningless when no one needs your help"
the urge to turn back time and relive my childhood/teen years has been lurking in my peripheral for sometime now. with each mistake highlighted with footnotes on it's easiness to be avoided or corrected. i wouldn't change where i ended up, but i would want to change my experiences and maybe my "friends".



murder he's writing
4.04.2010
Sunday, April 04, 2010
i continue to live each passing day in your words. acting as though each letter you pecked on my keyboard is the doubtless truth. understanding that this is what i have served myself with i become bitter. take those words you've thought hard about, and think hard about starting a movement towards a happy healthy life. or perhaps i've got it all wrong, you've said "YOU MAKE ME LIKE THIS" well maybe i make me like this too. maybe it's me who this movement needs to be started by?

we've been on this roller coaster since day one, are we ever going to catch a break? i honestly thought the time apart and "ashleigh time" would do me good but in complete honesty i am struggling much more. the idea of losing you, the fact that i can't fulfill you're every need, the accessibility to the things you may want outside of us, these have all become immensely more apparent.


and now i continue the quest for a "genuine" life lacking in the hypocrisy my life has seemingly been so abundant in, yet i don't know where to start. i want and need to yell my mistakes from the tallest mountain peak but i can't even begin to form those words.

i guess what i want is us to live on the pages that were mailed 2000 miles back and forth between us. among the words of love and happiness.

"now,
i am thinking of the past
and how we both said vows
and lied
and i am wondering how we trust
ourselves to say a second time:
'to have and to hold,
from this day and onward,
for better and for worse,
for richer and for poorer,
in sickness or in health,
to love and to cherish
till death do us part?'"

Doesn't
3.23.2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Make sense I need to hate you. Did you replace me? I'm sure you did , I'm sure it wasn't so hard I meant nothing to you, but I let you be my everything and now a year later I'm still left with nothing.



Clorox
3.22.2010
Monday, March 22, 2010

Life is such a joke





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